Any stay at home Dad's out there?

[johnnybogey]

hey guys,

 

Looking to the 19th hole for your thoughts!

 

So the wife and I were talking last night about our schedules and who would watch our 4 year old when school is closed. This means that one of us would have to take days off from work to stay home. It's tough as neither of us can take too many days off, etc...

 

So one thing led to another and my wife asked if I would mind being a stay at home dad.

 

Never really thought about it until she mentioned it. We hope to have another child soon and so obviously, managing our schedules would become even harder.

 

Of course, we could hire a nanny or something but we had a bad experience with a nanny in the past that this is not an option.

 

A little bit about me, turning 39 this year. Currently a CPA so I work in accounting.

 

So my question for the stay at home dad's out there. How did you embrace this?

 

I have mixed feelings about this. The biggest thing that keeps bugging me is how her parents would react to this being traditional asian folks and how the man should be bringing home the bacon. My wife two older sisters are married with kids and stay at home while the husband work.

 

Another alternative is either start my own business where I can make my own schedule or find a job that is extremely flexible (possibly work at home).

 

Your thoughts appreciated.

[Glaze22]

I am in the exact same position. My wife has the ability to make and extra $800 - $1000 a week just by working 1 extra day. She works 3 days now, so it sounds like a no brainer. Her parents would go nuts, but who cares. We have a 7 month old baby girl and a 2 year old crazy little girl. 2 is way way way harder then just 1. I would not mind being a stay at home dad, and when I did have free time I could go golfing more. Not sure this helps but I think it would be worth it.

[Redbird]

I would rather slam my nuts in a door than stay home with both kids full time. It seemed like it would be fun until I tried it, I will never in a million years tell her that she doesn't "work". Going to a job is a friggin vacation compared to the evil that can spew from those little crib midgets on their off days. I'm not winning dad of the year with those remarks, but it's the gods honest truth. Good luck!!!

[JackpotJohnny]

[quote name='Redbird' timestamp='1437665429' post='12006032']
I would rather slam my nuts in a door than stay home with both kids full time. It seemed like it would be fun until I tried it, I will never in a million years tell her that she doesn't "work". Going to a job is a friggin vacation compared to the evil that can spew from those little crib midgets on their off days. I'm not winning dad of the year with those remarks, but it's the gods honest truth. Good luck!!!
[/quote]

This man speaks the truth !

[tuffy]

"Crib midgets" , hilarious.

[bub72ck]

I love my son more than life itself but I know that I'm not cut out to be a stay at home parent. It would be a very stressful job.

[atx11]

Not to that point in life yet, but my "older" set of friends has been going through the same process. Most are professionals with certain licenses, and their answer was to work at home and get an executive suite. If you're a CPA, just office from home and use an executive suite/conference room for any meetings. Or if you need to get away for awhile, go work at the office.

Honestly, I think you would be bored out of your mind without something to do, other than watch the kids. That's just from me witnessing certain people give up on it after a year or so. Plus that gives you an explanation for people who ask, such as the parents. It's an excellent thing to do, as you still keep the "prestige" of a professional career, but you're able to watch the kids at the same time. A win win in my book.

[Redbird]

[quote name='atx11' timestamp='1437705059' post='12009880']
If you're a CPA, just office from home and use an executive suite/conference room for any meetings. Or if you need to get away for awhile, go work at the office.

[/quote]


Until he's meeting with a client in the "home office" when his oldest comes to get him because the youngest is brushing the dog and making her "pretty" with a toilet brush.

[atx11]

[quote name='Redbird' timestamp='1437707540' post='12010120']
Until he's meeting with a client in the "home office" when his oldest comes to get him because the youngest is brushing the dog and making her "pretty" with a toilet brush.
[/quote]

Lol, that sounds like a great story! I would use the exec suite for meetings every time, as that's what I've always seen done in my experience. Not sure where OP lives, but if in a larger city, you can even do a virtual office where you can use the address and have full access to conference rooms on short notice. Regus is a company that has a fairly large network of properties.

[Musky]

I think taking care of your kids sounds like a decent gig. Your wife would still do the cooking and cleaning I take it?

[hebron1427]

Where's Josh.....

[johnnybogey]

Thanks for the replies guys.

At this point, nothing finalized, just us discussing our options. I would look to find a more flexible job (start own business) and watch the kids. However, keep in mind, my son will be starting school next year so I would simply drop him off in the morning and pick up for the most part.

[BoogieThumper]

I took MAN-ternity leave after both my rugrats were born. My wife ofcourse took the first shift but when she went back to work then I took off for three months with each. It was the scariest most rewarding horrible awesome thing I've ever done. With that said there is no way I could stay home full time. I love my boys to death but they are MANIACS!

[mattuop]

I don't think staying at home with the kids is that bad. Maybe my kids are too young to cause real havoc (2 year old and 5 month old). And I've only done it through disability/ baby bonding time (thanks California!). People always say "you're going to hate being home all the time. You'll be dying to come back." But that's just not true. I've got a good situation at work, but home with the kids is much more fun. I've thought about staying home full time, but weighing the pros and cons (barely) sends me back to work.

[teeitlow]

No way.
About 12 yrs ago I had to pull it for 1 week, and I still have nightmares.

-D

[LaymanM]

Interesting...I could find myself in a similar situation, but most likely divorced!. My wife makes 6 figures in her day job and now is working as a multilevel marketing distributor and doing really well. I sell commercial trucks and make around 80k a year.

We are actually down at a convention right now in Florida for her mlm. I am sitting j a bar alone while everyone else is out having fun. Nothing I seem to do is ever right. Kind of concerned when we go home whether we will actually be married. I can't do anything right it seems. If I take a picture, I am not making the right smile...

I am 33 and I have 5 kids. 3 youngest are mine, middle boy is step son and oldest we adopted. Trying to find my place and I'm not sure she wants me to evan have a place.

[Jseale]

Seems to me that all of the responses thus far have been based solely on the short term. I'd like to offer a longer term view. My wife has stayed home since we had our first daughter. She would get frustrated from time to time with the fact that she was with the girls all day and I had the freedom to workout, play golf, eat a quiet lunch, etc. I always reminded her that as soon as our youngest started full day school, she would have a solid 7 hours, 5 days per week to do as she pleases. Well, our youngest starts kindergarten this fall so her pay day has come. Sure it might be tough on the ego and golf game short term, but if you can agree that you'll stay home after they start school, you've got it made brother.
I know a guy (believe he's a member here) whose wife does well at work. When I first played a round with him, he told me that he was a stay at home dad with one in college, one in high school and a ton of time to golf and play tennis.
Don't be too short sighted my friend.

[Flagrant]

[attachment=2873652:ImageUploadedByGolfWRX Mobile1437890096.147980.jpg]

Had to

[Redbird]

[quote name='LaymanM' timestamp='1437867056' post='12019518']
Interesting...I could find myself in a similar situation, but most likely divorced!. My wife makes 6 figures in her day job and now is working as a multilevel marketing distributor and doing really well. I sell commercial trucks and make around 80k a year.

We are actually down at a convention right now in Florida for her mlm. I am sitting j a bar alone while everyone else is out having fun. Nothing I seem to do is ever right. Kind of concerned when we go home whether we will actually be married. I can't do anything right it seems. If I take a picture, I am not making the right smile...

I am 33 and I have 5 kids. 3 youngest are mine, middle boy is step son and oldest we adopted. Trying to find my place and I'm not sure she wants me to evan have a place.
[/quote]

1. Stop having kids.
2. Get counseling.

[3puttsalot]

[quote name='Redbird' timestamp='1437665429' post='12006032']I would rather slam my nuts in a door than stay home with both kids full time. It seemed like it would be fun until I tried it, I will never in a million years tell her that she doesn't "work". Going to a job is a friggin vacation compared to the evil that can spew from those little crib midgets on their off days. I'm not winning dad of the year with those remarks, but it's the gods honest truth. Good luck!!![/quote]


This is the truth. Don't get me wrong I love my kids (2yr boy 3 month girl) more than anything in the world, and love spending time with them. That being said my wife and sister just went to the beach for 5 days. And in all honesty I am drained, I have had fun with them the past 5 days, but there have been times I thought I was going to loose my sanity. Both pitching fits at the same time etc. Not to mention diapers, baths, cooking, feeding, laundry, staying up until 2 am cleaning the mess when I have to be at work at 630 am, work was a kind of break today. There is no way I could do it. But it might be good for you . good luck with your decision either way. My wife should be home in a few hours. I can't wait for things to get back to normal.

[fore_life]

Full time stay at home dad here, two girls. It's a lot of work and requires tons of patience, and a really good wife, too. Some of you guys crack me up though, I feel so fortunate tone in a position that I can stay home and be an active part in my children's lives.

[CEPick]

I don't have kids (yet) and its not in the short term plans.

But I am LMAO at RedBird's comments in this thread.

[1puttTUT]

I am too much of a club ho too quit working, plus I love my job, and a big part of that is the flexibility. My wife is a shooter and is always busy with work stuff, plus her new job is an hour away, so I do all the kid duties during the week. She gets to work from home on Friday's, so that's my day to play golf after work. I generally don't play on the weekend so we can have family time. I do have a league on Thursday, but we pay a lady from our church to watch my son until my wife gets home.

We definitely have both had to sacrifice to make this work, but the idea of retiring 5 years earlier keeps us going

[that0neguy]

Is she a lawyer or something? A CPA and not using your certification, sounds like a lot of money lost.

I imagine a 4 year old would be a lot easier to handle than a baby. He/she can entertain himself/herself. But if you have another, I wouldn't advise it.

I don't really think most men have that nurturing gene. We're not meant to be stay at home - I'm not saying it can't be rewarding, but it's not for me, I don't have the infinite patience or empathy that my wife has for my daughter when she throws fits. I am home with her at least 1 week a year by myself and being inside the house entertaining her, enabling her fits for hours on end drives me nuts. I have to do chores while she plays or follows me to keep my sanity.

Just yesterday I was giving her a bottle and she is old enough so I was trying to get her to hold it. I really think she's just being lazy, because she knows how to do it, but she refused and had a meltdown.

[OrangeCrush]

I was a Stay at home dad for 21mths and not because I wanted to (LONG LAYOFF/BAD JOB MARKET). I was newly divorced and had my kids 16-18 days a mth at some point. While it was great to spend time with them at a very bad time. I was chomping at the bit to get back to work. I have a flexible schedule now and I am working from home every other Thurs because I have no child care over the summer.

I am trying to work and I have 2 girls yappin 9.5 & 7 in my ear, fighting with each other or just generally distracting me. My 1st choice is to come to the office and be able to focus on work. I do not have the genetic makeup to stay home with kids full-time again.

[The Pearl]

Why are you having a second child at 39? Just curious. That is a huge step that has potential significant ramifications. The financial impact alone of you staying home as you approach the max earning years is mind boggling.

Taking care of kids all day and working out of the home? Good luck. I have worked out of my house for 20 yrs and I started when our second child was born. I was just turning 30.

You are about to enter the Gates of Hell. You are about to go from a 39 year old man with a CPA and a respectable job and earning a nice paycheck and a sense of self-worth to an unpaid servant dry docked in a very small world. To try this with a newborn at your age is going to pose some significant psychological challenges.

I would seriously think long and hard about a second child. Grind through the summer and get the current kid to school and move on with your life. That is what I would do.

[Redbird]

[quote name='that0neguy' timestamp='1438178196' post='12040624']
I imagine a 4 year old would be a lot easier to handle than a baby. He/she can entertain himself/herself. But if you have another, I wouldn't advise it.
[/quote]

Babies as in infants? They're the easiest. Basically like a Chia-pet, you feed them and watch them grow. Put them in a swing or a bouncy and let them go, they can't get into anything and you can get a lot done. 4-5yr olds get into EVERYTHING. They're all over the friggin place and they listen about as good as a deaf mute. You watch them and wonder WTF would possess them to do certain things. Sometimes you look at them and say to yourself, "Maybe that one ain't right" even beginning at that age of 2 or 3. I mean the kid should have a higher IQ than the dog but the dog knows not to lick the light socket so you begin to wonder.

[fore_life]

I feel like I'm the only one who views as spending time with my kids as a privlage and not a chore

[that0neguy]

[quote name='Redbird' timestamp='1438394630' post='12057620']
[quote name='that0neguy' timestamp='1438178196' post='12040624']
I imagine a 4 year old would be a lot easier to handle than a baby. He/she can entertain himself/herself. But if you have another, I wouldn't advise it.
[/quote]

Babies as in infants? They're the easiest. Basically like a Chia-pet, you feed them and watch them grow. Put them in a swing or a bouncy and let them go, they can't get into anything and you can get a lot done. 4-5yr olds get into EVERYTHING. They're all over the friggin place and they listen about as good as a deaf mute. You watch them and wonder WTF would possess them to do certain things. Sometimes you look at them and say to yourself, "Maybe that one ain't right" even beginning at that age of 2 or 3. I mean the kid should have a higher IQ than the dog but the dog knows not to lick the light socket so you begin to wonder.
[/quote]

Haha - I figured that was the mentality til about 3. I thought around age 4, they became more developed. I guess it takes a bit longer! My 1 year old is fussy always wanting to be picked up and crawling around chewing on the toilet brush and whatnot. From 3-6 months, that was by far the easiest of the 12 months.

[Redbird]

[quote name='fore_life' timestamp='1438396533' post='12057800']
I feel like I'm the only one who views as spending time with my kids as a privlage and not a chore
[/quote]

It really depends on how much patience a person has. I love my little cadets, s3men 1st class and s3men 2nd class dearly, but I get to the point where I become DeNiro in Meet the Parents where people are talking to Little Jack in a baby voice and DeNiro says "Don't infantilize him, talk to him like a person". You forget how naive they are.