Do you golf with a person like this?

[BillyZ2]

Dear Abby,

I know my swing is not perfect, but I have a golf buddy who complains all the time, not happy with ANY shot he makes. His swing is horrible, and on his downswing he lifts his front leg off the ground, twists his body away from the ball, and wonders why he pull hooks and slices all the time. He is a complete mess as far as swing quality and consistancy. Yet he complains all the time thinking he should hit the fairway or stick it close to the pin every shot. Even when he is fortunate to hit the fairway or green, it's never good enough. It gets tiring listening to his constant complaining, but in reality, it's impossible to score well with his inconsistant, poor swing habits. He tooks a series of lessons last summer, but doesn't apply what the pro taught him while playing. He aims 30-45* right of the target (pin), hoods his iron closed and pull hooks it in an attempt to hit the green. He thinks he is a big hitter because he hits his 9 iron 140 yards, but with a hooded closed 9 iron it becomes a 7 iron. EVERY shot he makes he complains about, and he's never satisfied, but he will not change his swing. I know people shouldn't give advice to others, but I tried a couple times and he always denies what I say he's doing. He is very stubborn, and golf illiterate. It is wearing me down. Although he has been a friend for the last few years, our friendship is being taxed. He offers some benefits to a friendship like, staying at his cottage for golf outings, sharing in driving to and from the course, etc, but his golf habits are hard to take. Golf friends are hard to find, so I am caught in the middle. Abby, what is your advice?

[helper_monkey]

Actually have a guy in our regular group who complains about every shot, how he pushed it, pulled it, thinned it, etc... EVERY SHOT!!! All the while he will shoot between 69-74. It gets pretty freakin' irritating listening to someone who is under par b!tch after every shot.

[tdk8180]

Step 1 - Watch the movie American Psycho
Step 2 - Develop a speech pattern and response mechanism similar to Patrick Bateman
Step 3 - Utilize new speaking skills on your "friend"
Step 4 - Watch the results unfold as your friend realizes that you have become devoid of all emotional investment in his strife.

I'm guilty of complaining about poor shots that result well. However, I have been playing for 25 years and I know what a quality shot is and what isn't. What I score is irrelevant to the quality of my shots. Sometimes it's bad and I still score well...good for me I guess

[tjo106]

We all hit bad shots that end up bad. We all hit bad shots that we get lucky with. The difference comes down to the guy that says it after every shot and the guy that keeps his mouth shut. It isn't specific to golf. Some people like to hear the sound of their own voice no matter what the subject is.

[chippa13]

If you're griping about it this much then he really isn't much of a friend.

My buddy and I joke all the time about how we start getting greedy when we're hitting it well. When we're on the fairway we want to be further up the fairway. When we're just off the green we want to be on the green. When we hit the green we complain about being so far from the hole. Usually any of these gripes are immediately followed by the other guy's "F--- you, be happy you're [insert ball location here}"

My buddy has also developed the habit of saying, "Short?" during the flight of one he feels he has hit pin high, just because he knows it bugs me and I give him the, "F--- off, short......that's dead on." We have fun.

[bk52]

Dear Billy:

I have a golf buddy who has some significant personality quirks. I don't play golf with him as often as in the past in part because he is best enjoyed in small doses. At this point he is still tolerable and can be fun at times. If I ever thought he was more trouble than his company was worth, I would drop him out of the rota. Life is too short, especially at my age, to be forced to work to maintain a relationship that mostly is a pain.

Weigh the good versus the bad and if the relationship is too unbalanced, time to move on. Access to his cottage and sharing driving expenses does not sound like a good trade for the mental injury suffered while playing with your friend.

Abby

[BillyZ2]

[quote name='tjo106' timestamp='1444404575' post='12432990']
We all hit bad shots that end up bad. We all hit bad shots that we get lucky with. The difference comes down to the guy that says it after every shot and the guy that keeps his mouth shut. It isn't specific to golf. Some people like to hear the sound of their own voice no matter what the subject is.
[/quote]Thanks to all who posted, I appreciate it. Yes, tjo106, he complains on every shot, good or bad. I'll admit, he doesn't make a whole lot of good shots, but when he does, he still finds fault with it. For example: Par 3 150 yards, he puts his on the green about 30 feet away, and b's because it's too far from the flag. The 2nd in our 3some hits it over the green and into the rough a couple yards. I push mine right into the trees and can't find it, take a stroke (no distance in this game), and end up bogie'g. I am elated to sneak out a 4, the other guy ups and downs2 for a 4, and the complainer pars. He is the only one complaining on the hole, "look at that putt I have to make, it's way too far from the pin, I'll never make par"! But he did. This is every hole, NOTHING makes him happy. If he had a halfway decent swing it may be a different story. Also, he doesn't know the definition of etiquettte. At this point, I am starting to wean myself of his company, I just can't take as much of him as I used to. Like BK52 said, you have to weigh the pluses and minuses, and right now, the minuses are getting a little heavy. It has crossed my mind of how much he even values our friendship, because of his unwillingness to change. I'll golf with him, but only on occasions. I won't go spend a weekend golfing with him at his cottage anymore, it's not worth it to me.

[Hateto3Putt]

Whenever I get stuck with a chronic whiner I like to remind them mid-whine something like.....

[i]"You know, the second your ball went into the lake, some kid got diagnosed with (or died from) a terminal disease".[/i]

I love all my shots, good or bad. I've seen enough strife to know that if the worst thing that happens to me today is a double bogie, it's been a damn good day.

Like someone above referenced, life's too short to have to deal with morons. Move on.

[Gamble Gamble]

You should keep score for you, him and his “potential” score. Every time he complains about a shot figure out a score that would not have made him whine. At the end I expect it to go like this:

“You shot a 97 but your potential score according to your bitc*ing would have been a 57”

[cardoustie]

Kick him to the curb ... That's what is right and deep down u know this

[Sean2]

I used to play with a guy like that.

Not anymore.

[Uncle Chunk]

I say cut him loose....the mental damage you're accruing isn't helping your game and to be completely honest we ALL love to just play golf and have fun but deep down were all out to play our best too and it doesn't seem like you're doing either one anymore. IMHO

[Burglar]

Yeah I have a guy like that in my regular foursome, but he actually is a good player and just has really bad luck.

He'll blast a perfect drive down the middle, get some strange bounce, and have it roll sideways into the water. Or his ball will come down, richochet off the rake in the rough, and get absolutely buried in the side of the bunker. He'll hit good shots and get punished so often. A lot of this stuff is just golf, but it gets him pretty mad. He's a good dude though, I love playing with him.

[nitram]

"ya know, I could've gone to work today, or gone fishing, or maybe gone to visit a friend in the nursing home. But instead, I chose to golf and feebly attempt to enjoy myself. I now realize any of the three options previously mentioned or maybe even a barium enema would've been preferable to this excursion because you are obviously a miserable, self-loathing soul who is intent to make me one as well, at least for the rest of this little venture. The way I see it, you're either a delusional twit with unrealistic expectations of your game or you're a self-deprecating sadist. Either way, I have three words of advice. 'Quit your bitchin'.' I do have a say in this and I don't see Maltby nor Feherty out there following us with a camera and microphone critiquing our endeavor for millions on TV. So do us both a favor and please realize we are here for the fun of it and from what I'm having to endure, neither of us are having fun and I'm not sure you even know what that is."

[boon44]

Tell him straight up to STFU. Tell him exactly what he's doing and exactly how it feels to play with him. This isn't freakin' grade school. He'll either man up and change his attitude and thank you for it later or he'll pout about what you've said and somehow turn it on you as if you're the A**hole.
Either way you win and will be a better man for it.

Play thru and hit em straight. Life's too short.

(PS. Quit saying "cottage". It makes me nervous)

[braincramp52]

Just tell him the same thing I tell my league partner sometimes..... You ain't good enough to get mad.

[TMelectric]

Hey, I am famous. I made the Dear Abby column. Lol

[Petunia Sprinkle]

I play with someone who hits 25-30 shots fat every round. He's adhering to some kind of archaic orthodoxy that's messing him up. I suggested moving the ball back, but he just said "no, I'm just not [something or other] with my right hand". So, I said "why don't you move the ball back until you start doing whatever tf you just said with your right hand?" Silence.

[ampeep]

Wow, you must be extremely patient AND tolerant!!!! I would not be able to play with someone like that.

[sonny crocket]

I told a friend that he wasn't good enough to get mad. He got really mad then.

[wmblake2000]

I don't play with people I don't enjoy.

[LeftDaddy]

I got paired up one time with a dude who was similar to your friend. I even posted about it in here, because it made the round so miserable.

This dude would yell obscenities at the top of his lungs after every shot, no matter the outcome, and he was at best a 30 handicap with an awful swing (so he was lucky to even make decent contact).

This guy was also a royal jack-arse, and a few times made some statements to the effect of "They didn't let me pick my playing partners at the pro shop so I'm forced to play with you guys". He also complained incessantly about the course, and compared it to this apparently dream-like course in Boone, NC several times.

But I will say this...they yelling actually became funny after a while. The other two guys and I would just flash smiles at each other after every "Sonofabi...!!!!" But the guy being a ***** was the deal breaker. I hated playing with that guy, and am glad I won't have to endure that again!!!

[SwooshLT]

Had a guy for 9 holes. ....not quite this bad but certainly self-deprecating enough to be annoying.

The EXPECTATIONS from guys (won't call them golfers) who don't practice, take lessons or put any time into the this great game is sad and disturbing.

Golf in itself is one of if not the hardest endeavors to perform. Speaking rhetorically in sport....not comparing to life, parenting or being a surgeon.

So for those who feel entitled with thoughts that golf should be "easy" thinking you don't need to look like an Olympic Sprinter or an NFL Safety .....failing to realize the inherent faults built into the game ; mental aptitude and attitude, consistency, confidence but humility.

They lack the ability to see these factors and don't appreciate the overall difficulty. I tell beginners in particular that good shots for them are pure aberrations. The ratio without time into the game is like 400 hundred bad shots then a good one (luck) but with practice,perseverance, patience and skill development the ratio closes...eventually it flips to where you are hitting 10-15 playable shots and then a poor one.

So these guys certainly dragged the game down but we need their money!

Oh and my guy? He marked one foot putts rather than finishing out as part of his "routine" .....just couldn't understand his logic trying to emulate Tour Pros.FINISH THEM! geeesh

[MadGolfer76]

[quote name='Sean2' timestamp='1444430484' post='12435200']
I used to play with a guy like that.

Not anymore.
[/quote]

Heyyyy...

[FLGOLFJUNKIE]

Dear BillyZ2,

Please do all of us a favor. Put some steel toe'd boots on, and kick your friend square in the nutsack. No friendship survives that.

Regards,

Abby

[jewofgolf]

[quote name='Petunia Sprinkle' timestamp='1444445017' post='12436274']
I play with someone who hits 25-30 shots fat every round. He's adhering to some kind of archaic orthodoxy that's messing him up. I suggested moving the ball back, but he just said "no, I'm just not [something or other] with my right hand". So, I said "why don't you move the ball back until you start doing whatever tf you just said with your right hand?" Silence.
[/quote]

If he moved it back as a compensation, he never will make the new move. I go through this with any swing change. I just accept that I will hit mostly bad shots for a month or more after I make a change.

[2putttom]

I play with a guy like this, have for over twenty years. It's genetic, his family is like this. It's called Idontgiveadamn desease. So I don't offer advice he won't take it. Once in a whlie I toss out "looser buys lunch" and he starts to play better but other than that he is he way he is, a damn good friend who has ALWAYS been there for me through divorces,cancer etc.... I weighed my odds of finding another friend to hang with on the course other than Rick.... and I'm stayin with his whining a**.

[Kenny Lee Puckett]

Dear BillyZ2,

are you telling us this dude complains on EVERY shot? I mean he's got to take a break from b!cthing at some point right? or do you deep down really want to tell us about the fact YOU are sick and tired of dragging his hacker golf game all around Michigan, even if this sacrifice comes with a vacation home? if you know this guy could play better, doesn't make an effort to change, and all the while his atrocious play is effecting your enjoyment level. well HE'S putting himself on the chopping block, now it's your call. I'd say spare the humanity, this is your golf game. c'mon you know you gotta only think of yourself out there! as my friend Donny Smithern said once, "F@#% mankind I just want to make birdies."

Best wishes, Kenny Lee

[BillyZ2]

[quote name='Kenny Lee Puckett' timestamp='1444493293' post='12437906']
Dear BillyZ2,

are you telling us this dude complains on EVERY shot? I mean he's got to take a break from b!cthing at some point right? or do you deep down really want to tell us about the fact YOU are sick and tired of dragging his hacker golf game all around Michigan, even if this sacrifice comes with a vacation home? if you know this guy could play better, doesn't make an effort to change, and all the while his atrocious play is effecting your enjoyment level. well HE'S putting himself on the chopping block, now it's your call. I'd say spare the humanity, this is your golf game. c'mon you know you gotta only think of yourself out there! as my friend Donny Smithern said once, "F@#% mankind I just want to make birdies."

Best wishes, Kenny Lee
[/quote]I will say this, it's rare that he doesn't complain about a shot. He complains after he hits his tee shot on the green on a par 3. He says: "Look how far away from the hole I am", I say: "Heck, you're putting on the green, good shot". He says: "What a terrible shot, it wasn't any good". I say: "sigh". It's like this throughout the entire game. Often times he quits and sits in the cart until we shame him out of it. He has the worst setup/swing for as much as he golfs, even after taking a series of lessons. Imagine this set up enroute to hitting an iron into the greeen: he addresses the ball aiming 30* to the right of his target, hoods his iron closed to compensate, swings so hard that his front leg comes off the ground, and rotates on a vertical axis to the left. He often times hits it off the toe causing the ball to go way right, and hardly ever makes solid contact with it. A person like this has no room to complaning. He took a series of lessons from a pro and neglects all he taught him, and reverted back to his old ways. There is a good side to him, though, if I asked a favor of him, he would probably help me out. It's really a tough decision, and right now, I think I will try to limit my golf time with him a little.

[Kenny Lee Puckett]

^^^^ lol, BillyZ2,

of all the sane responses to this thread you quote my crazy, total joke of a posting! hey, seriously, do what you gotta do. but if I were you. what I would REALLY do is flat out tell him. say you are tired of his act, you are ALL out there to enjoy the day. and his constant complaining (personally, I don't give a rats a$$ how good he is, or isn't) is a total bummer for everybody. heck you and your buddies (they HAVE to be sick of it too) in the group should parody his act to him just so he gets taste of it. he'll knock that crap off real quick seeing what a fool he's acting like in front of other grown men.