Stange/Funny Things in Heard in Your Golf Shop/At Your Course/Range

[fillwelix]

Everyone knows the phrase "Topped it" right?

 

All my life, the reverse of that has been "Skied it", as in you hit underneath the ball and popped it up

 

Well last week I heard somebody saying that they "Undered it" and I really haven't been able to recover

[third-times-a-charm]

"Everyone should play senior flex! You'd all be hitting it 300yds!"

[capking]

> @fillwelix said:

> Everyone knows the phrase "Topped it" right?

>

> All my life, the reverse of that has been "Skied it", as in you hit underneath the ball and popped it up

>

> Well last week I heard somebody saying that they "Undered it" and I really haven't been able to recover

 

Someone I play with once told me when I was doing this “Geeze that’s coming down with Ice on it” that of course is minus about 4 other words I can’t type here.

[fillwelix]

> @capking said:

> > @fillwelix said:

> > Everyone knows the phrase "Topped it" right?

> >

> > All my life, the reverse of that has been "Skied it", as in you hit underneath the ball and popped it up

> >

> > Well last week I heard somebody saying that they "Undered it" and I really haven't been able to recover

>

> Someone I play with once told me when I was doing this “Geeze that’s coming down with Ice on it” that of course is minus about 4 other words I can’t type here.

 

If your ball doesn't reach an altitude of 30,000 feet, did you really under it?

[Turbs]

My brother was on a par five and had not been able to reach the green in two, he hits a great 2nd shot that rolls up onto the green and went between a senior ladies legs. He rushed up to apologize and she replied... "that's ok luv its been a while since i had a ball between my legs" my brother almost pissed himself....

 

this senior lady is a icon at our club, she is a widow and it is said that she still got 18 in the day she buried her husband....

[Loki]

"4 par" instead of "par 4." To me, it's strange.

[Pbo1980]

I’m playing great but I keep shanking over and over

[mesquite2]

2 things I hear almost every day, "what time will the frost go away" & " how come it gets dark so early now "

[fillwelix]

> @mesquite2 said:

> 2 things I hear almost every day, "what time will the frost go away" & " how come it gets dark so early now "

 

"When do you plan on removing the frost?"

[BNGL]

One of the times Jack Nicklaus came in with his son and architect, and started saying how he wanted to take out this tree that was integral to the hole. “I think a bunker would be better instead of that tree” he said in his squeaky voice. We were all perplexed because that tree was/is the only obstacle on that hole, but it’s Jack Nicklaus and you know we said, “yeah sure.” He says his goodbyes and finally walks out and Jackie and the architect look at us and say, “no f****** way does that tree come out”

 

This story wasn’t in the clubhouse...

Another story from years before, some tees had been moved over and for awhile there was two sets of tees, but play didn’t warrant two sets so the original set on the right was plowed under leaving only the left. Some time passes and Jack comes out and rides around sees the course etc, gets to this hole and stops, gets out looks around and says, “didn’t the tee box used to be over here?” It was explained what had happened, he gets back in his cart saying, “well you had a good hole until you moved the tees over here.” Took about a week to move the tees back to the right side of the path.

[Soloman1]

Decades ago I was playing at Naval Air Station golf course and the runway and taxiway were parallel next to a hole. Pilots would wave it was so close and we knew many of them. Depending on the wind direction, they would either be taking off on full afterburner, or doing field carrier landing practice (FCLP) abeam of the tee box on the runway parallel to the tee.

 

There was a crosswind one morning and the smell of burning rubber was wafting across the tee box after each landing. One of the guys grins and says. "Man, that smells like me and my girlfriend last night!"

 

__________________

 

Another time I was playing at an Air Force golf course. Just in case you didn't know, the air force usually builds 36 holes on a base, then tries to figure out where to put a runway or two...

 

An old retired enlisted air force guy was paired up with us. He was a nice guy, but maybe not the brightest bulb in the chandelier. We turned after nine holes and he got a hot dog at the little shack at the turn. As we got to the 10th green, the cart path was pretty far from the green, maybe 40 yards away. Crows hang out in the trees by the cart path and swoop down to get the food from carts after the players have walked to the green.

 

The old guy starts yelling and starts to run back to the cart as the crows are stealing his lunch out of the cart.

 

He says, "Them darn crows get my food _every_ time I play here!"

 

I asked him how often he played and he said about three times per week. As I said, he wasn't the sharpest guy...

[Bob Cat]

Good ol' friend of mine and I are at a stay n play for a scramble having a great time and a few pops. My buddy's struggling a bit so I throw the ol' "you know why they call it golf, right Don"?

I know he's heard this a thousand times but before he can respond with a NSFW response, I say (mistakenly) "'cause all the other four LEGGED words were taken". He kind of looks at me funny when we both realize what I'd mistakenly said and we both rolled. It's a fav of ours to this day.

 

My son's an asst at a course a few years ago and is given some ProV's stamped with "ACTION ON SIDE". Come to find out, the course "ate" a few boxes of these the previous year because one of the assts was asked by a member to order them with "ACTION on the side of the ball" and that's what was ordered.

[No_Catchy_Nickname]

> @fillwelix said:

> > @mesquite2 said:

> > 2 things I hear almost every day, "what time will the frost go away" & " how come it gets dark so early now "

>

> "When do you plan on removing the frost?"

 

"Spring"

[youngwaldo]

> @mesquite2 said:

> 2 things I hear almost every day, "what time will the frost go away" & " how come it gets dark so early now "

 

How about getting calls if its raining on the course? Or what is the temperature?

 

Wk

[WristySwing]

> @youngwaldo said:

> > @mesquite2 said:

> > 2 things I hear almost every day, "what time will the frost go away" & " how come it gets dark so early now "

>

> How about getting calls if its raining on the course? Or what is the temperature?

>

> Wk

 

I've heard those are common. I have also heard a common call is singles getting upset they can't book a tee time (not hating against singles, I always play as one). Conversely, you might have a two or threesome who never want to join up with anyone.

[youngwaldo]

I had a member comes in from the course one day mad as hell stating we lost his head cover. I told him i would see what I can do and I would replace it if it was our mistake. While he went in to have lunch I called the evening shift staff from the previous night if they recall seeing Mr Lovey Member's headcover when they stored it. They all said it was all there when they stored it. I had a feeling what had happened After a quick search and asking the other staff members to search the bag storage no luck whatso ever. The third group that got done came into the shop stating they found a headcover out on the course. Well well well, just as I thought. I went into the grill room with the headcover and handed to him. The comment he said was so typical of how he is as a human being. His Comment so all can hear in the grill room "I see you found it, so which one of your staff took it for his collection." My response was loud also " You dropped it on the course and Mr member behind you found it and brought it in. It would be nice now to apology to the outside staff for accusing them of stealing it." No joke my exact words. He couldnt say anything but just look at me. My best day ever.

 

Wk

[Divot License]

There's an old thread from years back that was all about funny things heard on the range. Some absolute hilarious posts.

https://forums.golfwrx.com/discussion/911063/most-ridiculous-thing-heard-on-the-range

[goaliescott]

 

A Day Working in a Golf Shop"I see your number has changed, have you moved?"

some NSFW language but hilarious.

[Sean2]

A guy leaving a legit 25 yards on the table because the shaft was an "L" flex. "I only play stiff shafts," he huffed.

[Warrior42111]

Please tell me you used that opportunity for some well timed innuendos with him.

[mcputter]

A German tourist came in after playing and complained about how easy the golf course was- "it's like a training course, for beginners.." I told him the course record was 63 set by a local who is a touring pro, and asked him (with no hint of sarcasm) how many under par he was. He shut up and immediately left.

[Sean2]

Haha, no, though some came to mind. I know there is a lot of ego in this game, but this guy's ego was so fragile he couldn't bring himself to have a shaft with a small "L" on it, even though it would garner him 25 more yards. Heck, I would play a pink, Hello Kitty shaft if it gave me 25 more yards, lol.

[Warrior42111]

For 25 yards I'll play with my personal L shaft showing.....might throw off the playing partners too....hmmmmmmmm

[WristySwing]

 

Doesn't surprise me at all. Have had a number of people when I worked big box retail pass on a clearly superior club because it was senior or regular flex when their paltry 85mph swing speeds require the stiffest of the stiff shafts on the market of course. I'm just a retail idiot who doesn't know what he is talking about. Or better yet, I've had people pass on a club because it was a different brand (usually your Taylormade or Titleist die-hards) that noticeably outperformed the model they were interested in.

[fillwelix]

Oddly enough when I went for my most recent fitting the guy just assumed I was a TM fanboy because I had an M2 (though was swapping between that and a ST180) and only brought out the M3 and M4 heads to test. I told him to go back and bring me everything lol

[Sean2]

I will never get it, lol.

[doctormizuno]

I can’t help my relate my golf course bathroom story. I go into the bathroom and this guy is standing their with

hands stretched out. I must have gave him a look, like what are you doing. He said will you and find an employee to get

their rearend in here ( he used a different term for rearend) I’m making the turn and I want to get going. This

time I know I gave him another one of those looks. He said read the sign, it says “Employees will wash your hands”

He was dead serious. Rather than say “Are you G—D— serious. I just had to get out of their.

[BobaDefett]

Dear lord you found the male version of Karen that wants to speak to the manager about everything. What do you mean can't change the rotation of the earth for me? I know the owner.

[doctormizuno]

I just thought of another story I should relate. Our annual golf course Calcutta. You would form your own

4 person team, their was a minimum total handicap you had to have. The night before, we had a party to

draw for the Pro that was going to join your team. After that, their was an auction and anyone could buy

a team. If somebody other than group bought your team, normally who ever bought it would sell 1/2 back

to you so you so you had a vested interest in doing your best. Some teams could sell for upwards of 8-10k.

Sorry, had to give you some background. Our pro was a min tour player, not long, but normally very consistent.

He had a 2-3 hole stretch where he came up a club short from a mishit. The 20 handicap (he could putt and

we needed him to meet the minimum). The 20 handicap told the Pro if he was going to consistently come

up short from the mishit, why didn’t he just use 1 extra club. We were laughing so hard we were crying.

[caeye0710]

Back when I was an Assistant Pro at my local club, we used to get the most ridiculous questions asked in phone calls (as I'm sure you all know).

One guy called me and said: "Hey, is it raining as hard over there as it is on the East side of town?"

I said: "I don't know sir. I'm not on the East side of town."

 

Also - guy calls in early fall: "What's the weather calling for the second week of March?"