Burn out, mid life crisis, give up on a life's work

[Mrgreen36]

Anyone else worked their asses off for 20+ years doing what you really enjoyed only to one day hate everything about it?

 

I'm tired of covering 36k a year for a shop solo, working 7 days a week and absolutely hating every minute of it. 

 

I did this to be there for my kids whenever they needed me (or a parent as their other is highly unreliable)  and I worry that I won't be able to if I change this. 

 

Is it just because I'm almost 44?

 

The supply chain and crappy parts has put me behind on everything no matter how hard I work. 

 

I finally have a really nice architectural millwork shop set up, with vintage equipment from the 1870s through the 1970s. A complete machine shop, 100s of machines in inventory, tons of hard to find parts.  I love old houses, it's the one thing I've always loved and always wanted to do, save them for people. 

 

The liquidation will be a ton of work, even having an auction to do so. 

 

Sorry, I was rambling. 

 

 

[Jc0]

On 2/3/2023 at 9:16 PM, Mrgreen36 said:

Anyone else worked their asses off for 20+ years doing what you really enjoyed only to one day hate everything about it?

 

I'm tired of covering 36k a year for a shop solo, working 7 days a week and absolutely hating every minute of it. 

 

I did this to be there for my kids whenever they needed me (or a parent as their other is highly unreliable)  and I worry that I won't be able to if I change this. 

 

Is it just because I'm almost 44?

 

The supply chain and crappy parts has put me behind on everything no matter how hard I work. 

 

I finally have a really nice architectural millwork shop set up, with vintage equipment from the 1870s through the 1970s. A complete machine shop, 100s of machines in inventory, tons of hard to find parts.  I love old houses, it's the one thing I've always loved and always wanted to do, save them for people. 

 

The liquidation will be a ton of work, even having an auction to do so. 

 

Sorry, I was rambling. 

 

 

 

I think you need to ask yourself a lot of why questions. Why are you working 7 days a week. Why are you covering 36k shop cost, why is your current business viable to begin with. . 

 

Then ask your self what is the worst that happens if I work less. What happens if I charge more. There may be more opportunity available than you realize but you really need to look into your business and understand your customers and your current issues.

 

This sounds less like you hate your job, more the finances around it need to be adjusted

Edited February 5, 2023 by Jc0

[Mrgreen36]

9 hours ago, Jc0 said:

 

I think you need to ask yourself a lot of why questions. Why are you working 7 days a week. Why are you covering 36k shop cost, why is your current business viable to begin with. . 

 

Then ask your self what is the worst that happens if I work less. What happens if I charge more. There may be more opportunity available than you realize but you really need to look into your business and understand your customers and your current issues.

 

This sounds less like you hate your job, more the finances around it need to be adjusted

 

 

Service work will cause your 7 days a week.  It can often be more than 3k a month depending on my electric bill. 

 

I bill out on the high end of where I live. 

 

I'm also the only one that really provides for 5 people.  I live cheap as possible. Boring cheap. 

[klebs01]

10 minutes ago, Mrgreen36 said:

 

 

Service work will cause your 7 days a week.  It can often be more than 3k a month depending on my electric bill. 

 

I bill out on the high end of where I live. 

 

I'm also the only one that really provides for 5 people.  I live cheap as possible. Boring cheap. 

Working 7 days a week is a choice. 
 

I went through a career crisis a couple years ago. Thought I was going to do something different, did some research, did some traveling and soul searching. And then figured out where I wanted to go in my future and where I was at. I did the math and the easiest path to the future was to stay in the Industry I was in, work toward the end goal and then exit permanently. It’s worked out very well and I reentered the workforce much more motivated which has paid off. 
 

Your answer may be different, but I think you need to think about where you want to be at 50, 55, 60, 65. Does your current path get you there? Is there another path that gets you there easier or faster? Figure out a plan to get your goals and then execute that plan. It should provide clarity and purpose to what you are doing. 

[NJBigFish22]

First of all any woodworking related field is a tough business.  I had a custom WW business for a few years and eventually shut it down.  People tend to not spend for quality anymore and I have seen the rise of material prices, which I’m certain is cutting into your margins so your time spent working isn’t generating what it was a few years ago.  

 

I don’t say this to be mean, but if you own the business and are working 7 days a week, then you are probably a bit of a control freak.  Now lack of quality employee pool in your area could be a factor, but I don’t think you have or don’t want to have someone you trust to help you get more time for yourself.

 

 Plenty of businesses aren’t 7 day operations, and a few of the millwork companies in my area are only open M-F or M-S.  I don’t see how you need to be open 7 days a week in your line of work.  If your open to catch up on work, again that could be a staffing issue or maybe you take on way to much work, but I also believe that if your that flooded with work in an industry like yours, you probably are charging enough.  You also mentioned supply chain delays, obviously there are real challenges, but that may not be communicated well enough to customers.

 

Owning a business means your going to have to expenses, now if your saying you’re covering the $36k out of your own pocket, not the business account why is that?  If you have partners and they aren’t doing their part, get rid of them, or sell your interest to them.

 

I wouldn’t expect you to divulge everything on a golf forum, but without knowing all the details of your business it’s hard to recommend things or give in depth advise on what may be best.

[Soloman1]

Sometimes you have to pivot. 44 is still young to do that. I know this sounds simplistic, but foregoing a couple days of running on the wheel like a mouse is better used to come up with ideas to pivot, maybe with the same equipment. Talk to people who can give you ideas that you might not be thinking about. What would they do if they were you?

You may make more money with less time by holding courses to teach people your skills. Create a Youtube channel to simply show what you do. Turn the cameras on and just narrate as you work. No sophisticated editing.

 

Don’t really know enough details of your business and market and geographic area to offer specific ideas…

 

Don't wait for your next life, do it this lifetime. Nothing is stopping you.

[Nard_S]

On 2/3/2023 at 10:16 PM, Mrgreen36 said:

Anyone else worked their asses off for 20+ years doing what you really enjoyed only to one day hate everything about it?

Been an LLC for 17 years, yeah it happens and I've almost thrown it in several times. The highs & lows are more extreme. What keeps me in it is despite all that is living up to my ideals as to what it should be, how I want to spend my time and then get compensated for that. When I go there, things go a lot better. Mind I'm not just talking bottom line, I'm talking pride & passion of enterprise. The difference between a bad business, a mediocre one and a great business is simply execution. I go to that, corners are turned and new horizons seen and curveballs & land mines are dealt with. One might be the best at what they do, but there might no be a market for that. That can be okay if you satisfy yourself that you were at your best. Failure from 80% effort is 100% painful. Good luck.

[Bob Cat]

OP, I'm hoping the fire for your craft is still inside your heart and I'm guessing certain PEOPLE have made it more difficult/undesirable.

If so, maybe time to purge a human or three from your life?

Absolute best regards, and luck.

[Mrgreen36]

It's just me, I do this myself. My dad helps me on occasion. I've tried finding people, but it ends up I spend the time doing the work anyways. What I do, not many people do. Not a lot of people know how to take apart 80 year old equipment and restore it, you can't break stuff, because you can't replace it.  Honestly, my space is pretty cheap, 25k sqft which I got about 9k thrown in because it's unaccessable to the rest of the building.  3phase power costs at least 400 a month, had a couple 1200 months. I've done some great work for great people.  As someone mentioned about cutting people out, my biggest stressor right now and for the last few years is my wife.  Failed neck surgery and she has become irritable and fights constantly with me. To the point I hate going home when it's just her there.  She doesn't have much, can't work much and probably can't survive on her own.  I'm kinda stuck with that.  

 

It does take some space to do what I do. 

 

I just like fixing things and making stuff. 

[Mrgreen36]

I'm at work right now. Spent 12 hours on the road delivering and setting up equipment for a customer. I get home, instant fight. So up early and time to clean up my mess. 

[Avidswampthing66]

1 hour ago, Soloman1 said:

Sometimes you have to pivot. 44 is still young to do that. I know this sounds simplistic, but foregoing a couple days of running on the wheel like a mouse is better used to come up with ideas to pivot, maybe with the same equipment. Talk to people who can give you ideas that you might not be thinking about. What would they do if they were you?

You may make more money with less time by holding courses to teach people your skills. Create a Youtube channel to simply show what you do. Turn the cameras on and just narrate as you work. No sophisticated editing.

 

Don’t really know enough details of your business and market and geographic area to offer specific ideas…

 

Don't wait for your next life, do it this lifetime. Nothing is stopping you.

I was a musician for almost 20 years, pivoted completely and now work in the golf industry and have NEVER been happier.   Im a single dad, so it's just him and I, I have to worry about.   My pivot came when I was 43.   It's possible, just takes courage bc it is scary and it seems uncertain.  I trusted the process and focused on what was right in front of me.  Hoping for the best for you

 

[NJBigFish22]

If you aren’t happy when your home, never mind not wanting to go home, I would get a divorce.  It sounds like your work life is an escape from your home life and it’s gotten so bad it’s killing your passion.  

[Mrgreen36]

12 minutes ago, NJBigFish22 said:

If you aren’t happy when your home, never mind not wanting to go home, I would get a divorce.  It sounds like your work life is an escape from your home life and it’s gotten so bad it’s killing your passion.  

 

I feel that. 

[Avidswampthing66]

17 minutes ago, NJBigFish22 said:

If you aren’t happy when your home, never mind not wanting to go home, I would get a divorce.  It sounds like your work life is an escape from your home life and it’s gotten so bad it’s killing your passion.  

This!  You need some support not the opposite.

[otto6457]

"No man lies on his death bed wishing he had spent one more day at work"  My Dad.

 

I have worked at a job I have hated for over 40 years.  Ive been a Toyota Master Technician for 45 years.  I knew 4 years in I had made a bad career choice.  But I had a new wife and a new baby.  Then I had a another baby.  Then there is the bigger house for the bigger family.  Then there's a better car for the family.  Then there is paying for talented kids to chase their dreams.  Then kids college and an inevitable expensive divorce because you're always working trying to provide.  You just keep your nose to the grindstone because people count on you.  Next thing you know you're 65 years old and your best years on this planet have all rushed past.

 

Don't be me.  You only get to do this thing one time.  Moderation in work....joy away from it.  Spend the time you have on this planet chasing the important stuff.  And that thing is never work.  If work is who you are....then your life is a job.

 

my .02 cents.  YMMV

Edited March 11, 2023 by otto6457

[Mrgreen36]

This is 

1 minute ago, otto6457 said:

"No man lies on his death bed wishing he had spent one more day at work"  My Dad.

 

I have worked at a job I have hated for over 40 years.  Ive been a Toyota Master Technician for 45 years.  I knew 4 years in I had made a bad career choice.  But I had a new wife and a new baby.  Then I had a another baby.  Then there is the bigger house for the bigger family.  Then there's a better car for the family.  Then there is paying for talented kids to chase their dreams.  Then kids college and an inevitable expensive divorce because you're always working trying to provide.  You just keep your nose to the grindstone because people count on you.  Next thing you know you're 65 years old and your best years on this planet have all rushed past.

 

Don't be me.  You only get to this thing one time.  Moderation in work....joy away from it.  Spend the time you have on this planet chasing the important stuff.  And that thing is never work.  If work is who you are....then your life is a job.

 

my .02 cents.  YMMV

 

For certain people, satisfaction comes from what they enjoy. I enjoy making windows, getting a piece of equipment back up and running quickly for someone.  I am able to be there always for my kids.  How many 13 year old girls would rather call their dad when they had female issues and needed supplies during the school day?  I'm one of the few fathers that goes to everything my kids do. I drove my oldest around the midwest all summer for junior Olympic track events.  

 

I'm probably a person that shouldn't have a relationship, never make someone happy enough.  

 

The best advice my dad gave me was to just rent it when you needed it. 

[otto6457]

I

29 minutes ago, Mrgreen36 said:

This is 

 

For certain people, satisfaction comes from what they enjoy. I enjoy making windows, getting a piece of equipment back up and running quickly for someone.  I am able to be there always for my kids.  How many 13 year old girls would rather call their dad when they had female issues and needed supplies during the school day?  I'm one of the few fathers that goes to everything my kids do. I drove my oldest around the midwest all summer for junior Olympic track events.  

 

I'm probably a person that shouldn't have a relationship, never make someone happy enough.  

 

The best advice my dad gave me was to just rent it when you needed it. 

 

Then I have no idea what your OP was about.  If you love what you do and all the hours you spend doing it, then your quote of, "I'm tired of covering 36k a year for a shop solo, working 7 days a week and absolutely hating every minute of it".  is really confusing with what you just replied to me with.  

 

I'll just bow out as it's obvious I have no idea what's going on here.

Edited February 5, 2023 by otto6457

[Mrgreen36]

16 minutes ago, otto6457 said:

I

 

Then I have no idea what your OP was about.  If you love what you do and all the hours you spend doing it, then your quote of, "I'm tired of covering 36k a year for a shop solo, working 7 days a week and absolutely hating every minute of it".  is really confusing with what you just replied to me with.  

 

I'll just bow out as it's obvious I have no idea what's going on here.

 

 

Obviously 

[NJBigFish22]

3 hours ago, Mrgreen36 said:

This is 

 

For certain people, satisfaction comes from what they enjoy. I enjoy making windows, getting a piece of equipment back up and running quickly for someone.  I am able to be there always for my kids.  How many 13 year old girls would rather call their dad when they had female issues and needed supplies during the school day?  I'm one of the few fathers that goes to everything my kids do. I drove my oldest around the midwest all summer for junior Olympic track events.  

 

I'm probably a person that shouldn't have a relationship, never make someone happy enough.  

 

The best advice my dad gave me was to just rent it when you needed it. 

I totally get that you get satisfaction from your work.  I get being their for your kids, I’m the same way, and it seems that your kids go to you before their mother.  I guarantee you your kids can sense the tension at home, and it seems they would want you to be happy.  So maybe you aren’t having a mid life crisis and finally realized your wife is a bad person and sucking the life out you.  I also don’t think you’re the problem in the relationship, cause if you were, I doubt your kids wouldn’t rely on you as much as they do.  Nobody enjoys ending a relationship in which you dedicated a lot of time and effort, but I’m certain you will be happier removing the anchor keeping you down.  I would rather pay alimony, being on my own, happy, then hating my home life so much because my wife was a complete B.

[Mrgreen36]

1 hour ago, NJBigFish22 said:

I totally get that you get satisfaction from your work.  I get being their for your kids, I’m the same way, and it seems that your kids go to you before their mother.  I guarantee you your kids can sense the tension at home, and it seems they would want you to be happy.  So maybe you aren’t having a mid life crisis and finally realized your wife is a bad person and sucking the life out you.  I also don’t think you’re the problem in the relationship, cause if you were, I doubt your kids wouldn’t rely on you as much as they do.  Nobody enjoys ending a relationship in which you dedicated a lot of time and effort, but I’m certain you will be happier removing the anchor keeping you down.  I would rather pay alimony, being on my own, happy, then hating my home life so much because my wife was a complete B.

 

I put their mother through nursing school and started a shop in my 1500 sqft garage to be at home more for them as they were really young. She finished school and moved out.  Never married. Met someone 8 months later, eventually got married. Probably a mistake, she had no kids and can't have any.  Yes, I'm the reliable parent.  I have them 75% of the time. 

Edited February 5, 2023 by Mrgreen36
Correction

[southpaw72]

Man I’m 28 and I feel this as silly as that sounds. I can’t get away from my job so to speak. The stress, the calls, the people, the expectations. The pay is incredible and there’s some great days but other days I want nothing to do with this industry I’m in  and I’d rather be raking bunkers and mowing greens like I did in college lol. The thought of zero stress and a huge loss in income sounds better and better everyday. 

[uitar9]

At some point, you gotta look after yourself, otherwise you won't be able to look after others. 

 

Your kids in their teens? Can you talk to them? 

[Mrgreen36]

12 hours ago, uitar9 said:

At some point, you gotta look after yourself, otherwise you won't be able to look after others. 

 

Your kids in their teens? Can you talk to them? 

 

17, 13, and 12. 

 

My kids are way too comfortable talking to me about everything, which I prefer. 

[bobfoster]

A bit of perspective? at 44, your professional life is only half over. You can do anything. 

 

I've had about five completely different careers in my life. Was a deckhand on a Mississippi towboat just after HS. Then worked my way through University as a chef. Got a job at an insurance company. Then a multi-state water utility. Then a couple of Fortune 500 finance firms (an Econ degree helped). Then started my own corporation with a partner 20 years ago - and love every day I go to work 

 

Point is, I'm now 65, but didn't really come into my own until my early-mid 40s. You are still a wee pup.

 

You have plenty of time. But are at one of the turning points in life. Time for you to ask yourself what you really want to do. What you love. You still have time for a completely different road. As old as I am? I'm taking a couple college courses, as sooner or later I want to retire from the company I started, and work with non-profits fighting hunger. (I know food, I know technology, and I know business operations - figure I can prolly add some value there).

 

We live in unusual times - we can all do multiple things in life, try multiple things. We have decades of time to play with. 

 

Don't ask "how can I get by?" Ask "What's my bliss". 

[indianagolf2]

You need ansiurce to help you for your next career journey. 

[Mrgreen36]

I think the wife needs to go. 

[caligolfer2103]

So hard to diagnose anonymously from afar. But feels like two separate issues, work and wife. The former doesn't seem to be the problem. The latter may or may not be. FWIW, my wife and I have been married for 18 years. About 5 years ago, we had some things happen on the home front that caused some mental health issues for her. During COVID, we went through a brutal 12 month period where we were at each others' throats every day. It was bad. Fast forward to today and we're still together and while every day isn't perfect, we try our damndest because underneath all the "turbulence" is still unconditional love - I truly thought she was the one the first time I met her and I still believe that, so I've learned to accept the bad (knowing that her mental health issues will always be there to varying degrees) with the good (she's an incredible mom, keeps the house running and played a huge role in my career success.) And, despite the dark days, what helped me get through it in the end was knowing that the "bad" side of her wasn't really her and that it was worth staying with her and hope that she could through meds / therapy get to a place that was palatable.

 

Long story short, sounds like you're at the crossroads as well... You may decide there simply is nothing left between you and your wife and if so, I'm really sorry bc I'm sure that's not an easy conclusion to come to. Or, you can decide its worth salvaging and maybe through meds / therapy, your wife can bounce back and you guys can get back to at last some semblance of normalcy and get back to where it was in the good times.

 

Sorry for the long post, but reading your thoughts brought back some memories and hopefully this is some useful perspective. Best of luck in whatever you choose and I hope you find that peace!

[Mrgreen36]

18 minutes ago, caligolfer2103 said:

So hard to diagnose anonymously from afar. But feels like two separate issues, work and wife. The former doesn't seem to be the problem. The latter may or may not be. FWIW, my wife and I have been married for 18 years. About 5 years ago, we had some things happen on the home front that caused some mental health issues for her. During COVID, we went through a brutal 12 month period where we were at each others' throats every day. It was bad. Fast forward to today and we're still together and while every day isn't perfect, we try our damndest because underneath all the "turbulence" is still unconditional love - I truly thought she was the one the first time I met her and I still believe that, so I've learned to accept the bad (knowing that her mental health issues will always be there to varying degrees) with the good (she's an incredible mom, keeps the house running and played a huge role in my career success.) And, despite the dark days, what helped me get through it in the end was knowing that the "bad" side of her wasn't really her and that it was worth staying with her and hope that she could through meds / therapy get to a place that was palatable.

 

Long story short, sounds like you're at the crossroads as well... You may decide there simply is nothing left between you and your wife and if so, I'm really sorry bc I'm sure that's not an easy conclusion to come to. Or, you can decide its worth salvaging and maybe through meds / therapy, your wife can bounce back and you guys can get back to at last some semblance of normalcy and get back to where it was in the good times.

 

Sorry for the long post, but reading your thoughts brought back some memories and hopefully this is some useful perspective. Best of luck in whatever you choose and I hope you find that peace!

 

She isn't my children's mother. I take care of almost everything they need, take them everywhere, help with homework, I'm the parent they reach out to no matter where they are at.  I can get in about 6 hours of good work time when they are with me. This week I spent every night helping my 13 year old with algebra.  I had yesterday and today to try to catch my work back up, instead the moment they are gone, I am getting yelled at because I'm not doing enough for her (wife). Seriously, some one has to pay all the bills and it isn't going to be her, she never has an extra 100 bucks to her name.  Literally ruined my 2 days I had to ship a machine, and rebuild the top end of a forklift engine. Instead I'm getting 200 text messages while I'm trying to torque head bolts.  Yeah, it's kind of ruined at this point.

[caligolfer2103]

20 minutes ago, Mrgreen36 said:

 

She isn't my children's mother. I take care of almost everything they need, take them everywhere, help with homework, I'm the parent they reach out to no matter where they are at.  I can get in about 6 hours of good work time when they are with me. This week I spent every night helping my 13 year old with algebra.  I had yesterday and today to try to catch my work back up, instead the moment they are gone, I am getting yelled at because I'm not doing enough for her (wife). Seriously, some one has to pay all the bills and it isn't going to be her, she never has an extra 100 bucks to her name.  Literally ruined my 2 days I had to ship a machine, and rebuild the top end of a forklift engine. Instead I'm getting 200 text messages while I'm trying to torque head bolts.  Yeah, it's kind of ruined at this point.

Sorry, I feel for the situation you're in. Sounds horrible and you seem like a good person who has the right priorities in mind.

[Mrgreen36]

7 minutes ago, caligolfer2103 said:

Sorry, I feel for the situation you're in. Sounds horrible and you seem like a good person who has the right priorities in mind.

 

It sure didn't start out this way. 

I built her out a nail salon that she walked away from after 2 years, helped her try to do a bunch of things for her to sell, told her she needed a job with insurance, she got fired from that because of medical reasons, had a failed next surgery, and has been horrific ever since.  Unfortunately, I don't think it's possible for her to afford being on her own. I've felt stuck for 3+ years. 

 

Golf has always been my mental escape from work and it has become an issue to her in the last year.  She has no friends and no hobbies she ever follows through with. The things I've helped her start then she abandons are more than you can count on two hands. 

Edited February 19, 2023 by Mrgreen36
Add