Burn out, mid life crisis, give up on a life's work

[Mrgreen36]

Two days of non-stop fighting.

 

My kids came back today and I took my son to my shop with me. Teaching him how to use a lathe and a mill to make some stand-offs to hold a modified clamp In tslots on a patternmakers table saw. 

 

Retrofitting a cross cut fence with flag stops and I wanted a way to hold my parts down while I cut the joinery. 

 

It's my job and my hobby and apparently I'm hated because of it. 

 

At least typing all this out has helped me get a perspective on all of it. 

[Petethreeput]

This sucks.

 

I got a divorce.  My decision, toughest two years I have ever had and I thought I should be happy.

 

It sounds like it might be time.

[larryd3]

Take care of yourself so you're there for your kids.  Nothing more important than taking care of yourself and treating you as what is most important, not to be selfish but self-preservation.  I was there many years ago with 3 young kids and a wife with severe mental illness that came on suddenly and just kept on getting worse.  I didn't know if I could work full time in the professional position that I had and take care of 3 young kids but divorce was the best decision I ever made.  Life became much easier as a single parent with custody of the 3 kids.  No regrets on that decision.  What I have had to do was completely cut any ties or communications with the ex, still have that wall up after 20++ years.   I moved on, kids are adults now and we all did ok.   I really wish you the best.  Find some friends to talk with that can help become a support group for you.  Best wishes

Edited March 6, 2023 by larryd3

[Mrgreen36]

I can't get rid of her. She literally has no money and no one will take her in. 

 

Gonna have to pull a Tiger. 😆 

[Nard_S]

On 3/11/2023 at 7:31 PM, Mrgreen36 said:

I can't get rid of her. She literally has no money and no one will take her in. 

 

Gonna have to pull a Tiger. 😆 

Just lay it out a bit, not just in words but action.

 

Well being of all is reason of work and so is it's priority ,some well being is more critical than others, kids win that. Unfortunate for spouse that she is down food chain but hey that's life.

Making her happy don't pay the bills, her unhappiness doesn't either.

On a basic primal level, money does buy happiness.

 

I'm married 31 years, paid for the household for 25, my spouse gave me much grief over level of work and time not with her. It was a source of constant misery for both. Kids are raised, have degrees, she still doesn't have to work but now she gets it and is somewhat thankful, I didn't listen and bend to her on it.

 

 

 

[lefthack]

Get the 6 speed.

 

<edit> it was $14k with 72k miles. 

Edited March 14, 2023 by lefthack

[MattM97]

On 3/11/2023 at 7:31 PM, Mrgreen36 said:

I can't get rid of her. She literally has no money and no one will take her in. 

 

Gonna have to pull a Tiger. 😆 

 

That sounds like a her problem not a you problem. I get caring for other people but man she sounds like she's sucking the enjoyment of life out of you.

[Mrgreen36]

1 hour ago, MattM97 said:

 

That sounds like a her problem not a you problem. I get caring for other people but man she sounds like she's sucking the enjoyment of life out of you.

 

 

I'm on a two day fight because when my two youngest and I walked into the house after school on Friday we didn't say hello fast enough and I was then accused of being pissed off and that we ignored her. 

 

Literally 1000 text messages, and when I stopped home, nothing but screaming at me.  But I was being disrespectful. 

 

[sweetcelery]

Might not be the most popular opinion but you might want to consider getting a marriage counselor or therapist.  If you still want to try and stay together they may be able to give you tools to communicate with one another.  If you're leaning towards divorce they can help provide counsel for you both also.  At the very least, they should provide a safe place where the both of you can voice your sentiments without fear of resentment or retaliation.  Communication of wants, needs, expectations is of the utmost importance in these situations.  Best of luck to you all.

[Mrgreen36]

4 hours ago, sweetcelery said:

Might not be the most popular opinion but you might want to consider getting a marriage counselor or therapist.  If you still want to try and stay together they may be able to give you tools to communicate with one another.  If you're leaning towards divorce they can help provide counsel for you both also.  At the very least, they should provide a safe place where the both of you can voice your sentiments without fear of resentment or retaliation.  Communication of wants, needs, expectations is of the utmost importance in these situations.  Best of luck to you all.

 

I told her parents to come pick her up. She's their problem now

[ChipStrokes]

37 minutes ago, Mrgreen36 said:

 

I told her parents to come pick her up. She's their problem now

that’s what you ultimately have to do with petulant little kids.  

[Bob Cat]

16 hours ago, Mrgreen36 said:

 

I told her parents to come pick her up. She's their problem now

 

Hoping this is the first great day of a life of great days for you and your children.

[TiScape]

19 hours ago, Mrgreen36 said:

 

I told her parents to come pick her up. She's their problem now

Having to have parents come and pick up a grown woman… That right there pretty much sums it up. Sorry to hear about your situation. Take care of yourself and your kids. 

[Mrgreen36]

8 hours ago, Bob Cat said:

 

Hoping this is the first great day of a life of great days for you and your children.

 

Note, she has nothing to do with my kids. Not hers, can't have any (thank goodness)  

 

My children's mother left right after she finished nursing school and got a job. 

 

Women. 😆   

[NJBigFish22]

On 3/19/2023 at 4:31 PM, Mrgreen36 said:

 

I told her parents to come pick her up. She's their problem now

Congrats!  You’re a better man than me, I wouldn’t have called her parents.  After moving her crap to the front lawn, I would have told her don’t let the door hit you where the good lord split you.

[jordan2240]

Only getting one side of this story, so impossible to give advice.  As someone who is in a second marriage where we both have adult kids, I can say adjustments are necessary to relate to the others' children and to minimize jealousies.  If woodworking is both your job and hobby, I suspect it takes up much of your time.  Throw golf into the mix, and perhaps the wife feels a bit neglected.

[Mrgreen36]

It's been a good week. 

 

I've came to realize that the majority of the issues stemmed from the fact that I always felt like I had to choose between what she could/couldn't do and what I wanted/needed to do with my kids. 

 

That's all to do with her failed neck surgery and the fact it is only getting worse, not better.  It sucked having to leave her behind every time I had to go to a basketball game that wasn't a home game, or an indoor track meet an hour away that was standing room only. 

 

It sucks feeling like no matter what I had to choose, it was the wrong choice. All fights seemed to stem from the issue that she was left behind (solely for the reason that she can't ride more than 40 minutes in a car, impossible in my one ton truck, and there was so much animosity between us because of it)  I feel selfish choosing my kids and myself in this, but I have at least 10 more years of middle school, HS and college activities to go to for my kids and having to leave her behind every time just led to fighting every time.  It has been nearly impossible to do anything together with them and her for the last few years. 

 

I love the woman more than anyone, but neither of us can continue to do this to each other anymore.  Back to wiring equipment today. 

[bobfoster]

I fondly remember my midlife crisis. 25 years ago or so now. 

 

I'm now at the age where my happiest memory of youth is my back not hurting when I get out of my chair. 🤣