Best Golf Put-Downs

[McMunch]

Heard a good one the other day- Buddy of mine was inspecting an old scratched up wedge and said out loud "When is a wedge no longer useful?"

Without missing a beat his brother said "when it's in your hands..."

 

Wondering if you all can give me a few more that I can put in the bank for the upcoming season.

 

 

[Murphy76]

 

My favorite:  

 

Someone tops it off the tee-box:

 

Just mutter:  "Tough course. "

 

 

[mark m]

How many times are you going to lay-up here?

That was a good shot. . . for you

You’re away, are you going to play?

(That one is for the clueless/never ready.)

Maybe next year.

What did you make there?

(That one is for those who clam up after a big score.)

 

BTW: We don’t really use those except in jest among friends. But you could if so inclined!

[JimmyC59]

"You clearly have a L.O.F.T. problem.

Lack of f*ck"ing talent!"

 

"You're standing too close to the ball...after you hit it!"

 

"USGA

You Suck Go Again!"

 

Edited, please refresh.

 

 

Edited February 21, 2024 by JimmyC59

[Roody]

After a guy pipes a great drive down the middle of the fairway: "nice bogey"

[JimmyC59]

11 minutes ago, Roody said:

After a guy pipes a great drive down the middle of the fairway: "nice bogey"

My friend does that when I hit a green.

"Nice 3 putt."

[txbadger]

its an old one... and not PC, so take this as a warning if you need a safe space...

 

when you drive first and hit a bomb, then your buddy hits what would otherwise be a great drive but not as far: "nice drive... does your husband play too?"

 

 

[elwhippy]

"You are standing too close to the ball. After you have hit it". 

[shaneyank]

"Dead sheep."

 

Meaning, it's "still you" (still ewe) who is away, after a bad putt/chip.

[SnapHooker_307]

My go to is always "No way you can blow this lead."

[Shankyouverymuch]

When a player in your group invariably heads towards the woods to urinate tell them "you know that's illegal"  When they respond with a what?  Reply " A grown man holding a little boy's we!ner"

[OpgForce]

After your buddy misses a putt to give you the skin, try to give home a fist bump while saying “thanks for the gift”.  😅

[pkwilli1999]

See, the problem is you're standing too close to the ball.... after you hit it

[Ripper212]

After someone leaves putt short - "smart play to lay up there, especially with that lie"

[Ty_Webb]

This was allegedly said by a local pro to a member at my golf club about 50 years ago. The member was the lowest handicap in the club, off about 1 or so in the old UK system, so decent. He played with the pro and the pro asked him his handicap on the first tee just before he teed off. He ripped a drive straight down the middle and the pro said to him "you must be a ******* good putter!"

 

The other one was a friend of mine played with Darren Clarke at Queenwood. They teed off on 1 and Clarke pulled a cigar out of his pocket and lit it. My friend said to him "I heard it said that you only light the cigar after you know you're going to win". Darren said "yep, that's right". Ouch...

[Hawkeye77]

Not a put down, just a truism. 
 

“You aren’t good enough to get that mad.”

[knock it close]

I love telling people they have a LOFT problem. 

[Ripper212]

40 minutes ago, Hawkeye77 said:

Not a put down, just a truism. 
 

“You aren’t good enough to get that mad.”

Nice. But I say that about myself all the time

[EagleGSU]

5 hours ago, Roody said:

After a guy pipes a great drive down the middle of the fairway: "nice bogey"

I've heard this one recently. Guy pipes a great drive down the middle. His coworker playing with us says "great drive! I know you can make bogey from there!"

[bobfoster]

6 hours ago, Ripper212 said:

After someone leaves putt short - "smart play to lay up there, especially with that lie"

🤣 Heard an even better one. Walked on and was put with a threesome of hilarious guys that gave each other s*** throughout the round. (Could tell they'd been playing together for a long time). Guy leaves a 6' putt a foot short, buddy says (in a fake totally serious voice) "I think you needed one more club".

[GowerND11]

When a buddy flubs a chip that won't even make it onto the green: 

 

Get legs! 

[bazinky]

16 hours ago, Hawkeye77 said:

Not a put down, just a truism. 
 

“You aren’t good enough to get that mad.”

This applies to so many guys at my club, especially when gambling. I feel like we need to have this on a sign and placed on the first tee.

[AngryGilmore]

"Did you hear about the new Super Walmart they're building?"   "No.  Where?"   "Between my drive and yours."

[mat562]

After someone tops a fairway wood from 250 out, 'I thought you'd have had a go at the green from there, mate.'

 

I also like Butch Harmon's 'Linda Ronstadt' line, referencing Blue Bayou/Blew by you after a big drive.

[gripandrip]

"Surprisingly good shot"

Edited February 22, 2024 by gripandrip

[jholz]

"I ain't seen you put a ball in the hole yet..."

 

Nice for the gimmie crowd. 

[Albatross Dreamer]

20 hours ago, JimmyC59 said:

My friend does that when I hit a green.

"Nice 3 putt."

Now you can retort "been watching too much Scottie recently"

[PJE]

“Have you tried tennis? Tennis might be good for you.”

[elwhippy]

"Congratulations. You have just won the Miles Wright Trophy". 

[503Mike]

I've always found a friendly "watch this" mumbled before a playing partner tees off works well.