How Do You Tell a Coworker They're Rude...UPDATED w/ the ROUND FROM HE-LL

[Sawgrass]

[quote name='gambit' timestamp='1381419123' post='7981349']
. . . He's more of the kind of guy that doesn't know proper ettiquete . . . offering to pick up the bar tab for someone's birthday then asking the birthday girl to split it.

[/quote]

Let's be real. The above is not an example of someone "not knowing" some obscure rule regarding etiquette. It's very much worse than that.

[Imp]

[quote name='gambit' timestamp='1381419123' post='7981349']
@myspinonit - I don't think he's doing anything at work that would be seen as unethical. He's more of the kind of guy that doesn't know proper ettiquete. A couple of examples are staring at your plate of food while he's shoveling (and I mean shoveling) his down, using his fork to dig through a shared dish, offering to pick up the bar tab for someone's birthday then asking the birthday girl to split it. I'm not exactly painting him in the best light, but these are things that I've started to notice more and more. Actually, we used to go out to lunch together quite a bit, but I've had so much work that I just bring my lunch now and work at my desk so he's been going to lunch with someone I really don't like at the office. Someone he knows I can't stand.[/quote]I know the same guy (type of guy) here. He "goes through" more friends than anyone else I know. If he does something for you (at his insistance) then he feels you owe him for the 'favor'. He has a summer home on a lake and little by little, more people have started making 'excuses' not to go up and spend the weekend. Yet, he doesn't see the forest for the trees. When it's time to pay the tab... everyone throws in money and "yeah, whatever is leftover is tip", he will take the cash, put it on his card and leave a 10%-15% tip.

If he's the same, teaching him etiquette will go in one ear out the other. It won't register. Better just to get the day over with (as a good sport) and let it go.

--kC

[gambit]

OK...here's an update, and venting, of events from this past Sunday's round. We have a 1:10pm tee time. I get to the course about an hour early and renew my NCGA membership and hit a small bucket of balls to warm up and focus on some things I learned from a lesson I took on Saturday. One of my other co-workers, we'll call him Brad, shows up and hits a few balls too. As we finish up, the co-worker in question, we'll call him Joe, shows up and walks up to the range about 20 mins before our tee time. I ask where his bag was and he said he left it at the bag drop and the kid is wiping down his clubs, but he's not tipping him anything. I'm just thinking please be joking. So Brad goes and drives down and loads his bag for him. OK. Our final co-worker, Ben, shows up and we start heading for the tee and we get up just after the group ahead tees off. Uh...I look back and Brad and Joe are nowhere to be seen. The starter comes over and says let the group get to the green before we tee off. Sounds good. Just as the group gets to the green Brad and Joe show up. Where did they go? Joe decided he needed to grab lunch when he could've done that 20 mins ago. OK...whatever. All minor stuff up to this point.

We tee off. Ben and I both hit good tee shots. Actually, when I was getting ready to hit he was talking right behind me and I had to give him a quick glance and he knew to be quiet. Brad blocked his on into the right rough and Joe goes OB. Re-tee? No. He'll just drop where Brad is. OK...as long as pace keeps moving. Just as we are about to take off the starter says the pro shop just contacted him and said ONLY 3 OF OUR 4 HAS PAID!!!!!! Mind you there's a group behind us waiting to tee off. I know Brad paid. I ask Ben and he says he paid. Then I ask Joe. He says NO so nonchalantly. In the interest of time the starter let us go and told him to pay at the turn. You have no idea how embarrassed I was. Now I'm pissed because this isn't the first time he's played and he knows to pay. On to the hole. He drops where Brad drops and chunks it. Then thins it. Then back to OB. Then into the bunker. Three tries out of the bunker and he flies the green. Three tries to get it on the green. 4 putt. I ask if he wants me to keep score for him. He says yes. When I ask him what he shot he says 6. Going to be a long day.

This was pretty much the theme of the day. None of us could really get into a rythm because he would hold us up for so long. Even when the group behind us was patiently waiting he still insisted on finish holes where he's probably on his fifteenth shot after chipping it off the green and back into the fairway and still lining up putts. Believe me, we all were nice in reminding him that 'WE' have to pick up 'OUR' pace so we didn't single him out. I cannot even count how many times he would talk during my back swing, even from the fairway, on the front 9. I'm pretty irritated at the turn, but I actually hold it in surprisingly well. At the he goes in and pays. Brad, Ben and I grab something quick from the snack shack. Joe comes out and has to order something that has to be prepared. WTF!!!

So on the 10th Ben tees off first as Brad and Joe are coming up. My turn to hit. I got to address the ball and he opens up a bag of chips as I start my back swing. I stop and address the ball again. I go into my backswing again and again he goes into his bag of chips ridiculously loud with the crunching of the bag. I stop again. It happens a couple of more times and I finally look back. He doesn't think anything of it. Ben says to Joe, keep it down for a second so he can hit. He says "What? I'm just eating. Is my chewing to loud?" as begins to chew loudly on purpose. Whatever. Right as I begin my downswing he yells "Now this is loud!". I shank my ball into a lateral hazard. I'm pissed. The rest of my group says for me to hit another and I say I'll just take my drop. Unbelievable.

After a few more holes of inconsiderately slow play and false scores (at this point he didn't even give me a number for a score anymore, just 3 over or double, etc.) and errant shots that almost hit us because he'd shank one and not yell fore, but instead just watch his ball like he hit a decent shot came to the point that ALMOST made me lose it and say screw a good work relationship. Again, I'm on the tee box with a FW. On my downswing he lets out a loud laugh and jerk. I pop the ball up OB and put a dummy mark on my club. A DUMMY MARK!!!! I hit another one, look back at him (still doesn't get it) and just walk to my ball. Please note that ALL OF US have made comments to him about pace, talking when people are hitting, yelling fore, walking people's lines, etc. He just does not care. Another example of him holding us up was we were waiting for him to hit and he's just standing there looking around. After a couple of minutes I ask what the hell he's doing. He says he looking at the vineyards and think they're close to being harvested. WTF?!?!?!?!?! Same thing happened as he watched a hawk circle for a few minutes.

After finishing an elevated par 3 we move to the next tee box. The group ahead just teed off so we have to wait a little as they're golf challenged too (marhall's description of them). Our tee box is considerable higher than the last green we just came off and we could see the group behind us going down to the green. Joe says if they're coming up to our tee box he's going to give them a piece of his mind. Why? Because he doesn't like people on his a$$ and he doesn't want to be rushed. So I tell him they're going to their balls down on the green. He says when they finish the need to stay down there until we finish teeing off. WTF? Dude, you understand that they have a group behind them, we're holding them up, and they're supposed to come up and wait on this tee box when they're done. He says he doesn't like it and they better not. I tell no one cares what he likes or doesn't like. He has no choice. Luckily, we tee off before the come up.

It got to the point where I push a tee shot on a par 3 onto the side of a hill. I didn't even bother looking for it and said forget it as I forgot I didn't have a spare in my pocket and I didn't want to hold anyone up. On the final hole after chunking several shots again we're waiting for Joe to hit from about 175 out. He asks if anyone is hitting a Callaway and after we all say no he says that it must be his. I say hold up. You don't even know what ball you're hitting? He says no, but who cares? Uh, that ball might be from another group that ended up in our fairway. How do you not know what ball you've been chunking around? Whatever. He hits. Eventually we all putt out while the group behind is still patiently waiting for us. Brad and I walk off the green. Ben is putting the flag back in and Joe is trying to high five him, and have a chit chat on the green while others are waiting. I tell him to get the F off the green at this point. We all shake hands and just before we go on our way, Brad and Ben tell me they're never playing with him again either.

This was about as much as anyone can put up with. I just had to vent to some other golfers. I sucked it up the best I could, tried to make my points, but it was futile at the end of the day. We're not playing with him ever again. EVER. I'm sure some folks on here will want to chime in and let me know I'm a bag, and that I should've just enjoyed the day. Go ahead and let me have it, just know that this same guy may be paired up with you one day.

[garcia51694]

Damn. That sounded like a good time.

[myspinonit]

That guy is trouble. There may be some medical things going on.

Sounds like you are anything but and went beyond the pale to do the right thing. I go back to my first post that said in part "If he is cheating on the course in front of everyone, what is he doing /could he do behind your backs at work ? I'd be very careful about what you said to him......"

Perhaps you may have changed your mind about him not doing anything unethical at work, 'cause he sure did some on the course this time and some spiteful and rude things too.

[Pepperturbo]

[quote name='gambit' timestamp='1381379953' post='7979535']
[quote name='SHIVAN' timestamp='1381368631' post='7978769']
[quote name='gambit' timestamp='1381353671' post='7977463']
I don't think it has anything to do with manning up. It's not like if someone hits a ball into me a couple of times I'm not going to approach them. I just want him to more or less get that it's not just his round, but I don't want to hurt the guy's feelings. As I said before, really nice guy, but on the course he kind of has the attitude I paid so what.[/quote]

It doesn't? So why are we still discussing it? When you man up to the situation, things just take care of themselves. Especially with issues like this...

Guy on Sunday wanted to stand RIGHT behind my ball on the first tee this past weekend. It bugged me, but I didn't want to say anything on the first tee -- getting off on the wrong foot. Long rope hook into the forest. He hits, and I re-tee. He starts to settle in behind me again, and I look right at him, and tell him, "I need you to stand over here (pointed with my driver), not right behind me. It's distracting." He moves to the side, right where I pointed, holds still -- and I pipe the next one, like I usually do on this 1st tee. He was keenly aware of where he stood on every tee the rest of the nine.

If your co-worker is [u][i][b]really[/b][/i][/u] a nice guy: When you step up to the plate and let him know things are bothering you, he will be mindful. If he really [u][i][b]isn't[/b][/i][/u] a nice guy, he'll do what he wants for the rest of the round, and then blow you off at work too. I have a feeling you might be insecure about your character judgement of this guy, and don't want to rock the boat at work. That settles it, if that is truly the case.
[/quote]

When I hear man up I think confrontation and telling someone how it is and what the problem is. I didn't exactly think it it your way. My problem, admittedly, is that I can be a little rough around the edges. Maybe too straight to the point and I wear my emotions on my sleeve. So as Pepper and Jew (not PC I know) said I will probably have to suck it up with just a couple of subtle reminders out there.
[/quote]

"Man up" doesn't necessary mean confrontation. That is too black or white. It also means being "assertive", but using a firm but calm tone. Always use proper social decorum, until stronger is warranted.

PS, I just read your post from the days play. Sounds as though you handled it the best you could, considering. I suspect, either he's a sociopath or just a simpleton. Which ever it is, maybe you need to find a more assertive, unquestionable tone when trying to get a point across. Sometimes simpleton's need to hear and see clearly to understand.

[Kadin 25]

I think you handled it the best way you could.

Congrats on not losing your mind

Now take a deep breath, exhale and go play a nice relaxing round.

See ya on the green...Kadin

[EJ Mac]

I am very easy going and there is no way in hell I would have put up with that nonsense, co-worker or not. He would have been told point blank that he has 1 of 2 options either pull your head out of your arse and be respectful including ball in pocket on stroke 10 or I am taking you to the club house so I can unload my gear and book another tee time. Sometimes fools like this continue this behavior because no one ever calls them out on it thinking oh he is a nice guy we will just let it slide. Sometimes I think this is the case in point as to why there are so many massengill bags who think they are the only one alive on earth today. Don't mean to rub salt in the wound but someone really needs to call this dude out in a compassionate but firm manner and if that point don't reside then a no words barred call out is in order. If he is a valued asset at work to you I personally would feel it an integrity issue if I was in continuous need of his resources at work and refused to deal with the underlying issues that reside with him.

[dplasters]

My mind exploded when you said you had to wait on the tee for the group in front of you after all that.

[deck]

You changed it!! Good

[Mitchell]

Obviously this individual had no courtesy toward others, I would be professional when dealing with him but never have any social interaction from this point forward. You are to be commended for keeping your composure, I just personally would not put myself in a position to have to retain it again. Further, I would not discuss the round or his behavior during same in workplace, let the others do so if they choose and maintain the moral high ground.

[gambit]

[quote name='deck' timestamp='1381779605' post='8000439']
So is joe (deleted to protect the innocents) [/quote]

?????????????

Edit: Nevermind. I got it...LOL.

[nochct1]

Just make a joke of it. If he walks in your line, make a joke: "thanks for taking care of those spike marks for me." When he drives away "Don't worry, I don't need a club." If he's on a phone call, pick up your phone and call him on his cell and ask him what club he thinks you should hit.

It sounds like the guy just doesn't know the rules and how to act on the course. Its not really a big deal. Just let him know and it should be fine.

[gambit]

Everyone, I can promise you that's the last round with him, and I'd like to keep my work environment as comfortable as possible. Saw him today and it was OK. Nothing awkward. Believe me, it was a tough pill to swallow keeping my mouth shut for so long. I actually started wondering today if he actually went in and paid at the turn as none of us went in.

[nochct1]

[quote name='nochrome' timestamp='1381780993' post='8000555']
Obviously this individual had no courtesy toward others, I would be professional when dealing with him but never have any social interaction from this point forward. You are to be commended for keeping your composure, I just personally would not put myself in a position to have to retain it again. Further, I would not discuss the round or his behavior during same in workplace, let the others do so if they choose and maintain the moral high ground.
[/quote]

Wow. Its just golf. No interaction with him? Taking it a bit far don't you think?

[Mitchell]

[quote name='nochct1' timestamp='1381781612' post='8000621']
[quote name='nochrome' timestamp='1381780993' post='8000555']
Obviously this individual had no courtesy toward others, I would be professional when dealing with him but never have any social interaction from this point forward. You are to be commended for keeping your composure, I just personally would not put myself in a position to have to retain it again. Further, I would not discuss the round or his behavior during same in workplace, let the others do so if they choose and maintain the moral high ground.
[/quote]

Wow. Its just golf. No interaction with him? Taking it a bit far don't you think?
[/quote]Stated no social interaction, meaning can be polite, personable, and professional in workplace but would not choose to be around him outside of work environment. Too many red flags towards character flaws for me, my opinion, and others are entitled to theirs.

[Augster]

I'd tell him to STFU while I'm over the ball. When he makes a loud noise again, or is just that obnoxious or oblivious, I tell him to STFU when I'm over the ball again.

If that didn't work, I'd ask "WTF is wrong with you? You've been asked at least twice to STFU and you still won't? Learning challenged?" Then I'd say, " I don't have time to play with an A-hole in my group." And I'd leave.

In your situation, the correct thing to do was to leave at the turn. "That's enough. We're by my car and I'm leaving. See you at work."

Golf is a hard game played for fun. Even when the golf is terrible, you are supposed to enjoy being with the players in your group. If neither apply, GTF off the course and go home.

[gambit]

[quote name='Augster' timestamp='1381782241' post='8000669']
I'd tell him to STFU while I'm over the ball. When he makes a loud noise again, or is just that obnoxious or oblivious, I tell him to STFU when I'm over the ball again.

If that didn't work, I'd ask "WTF is wrong with you? You've been asked at least twice to STFU and you still won't? Learning challenged?" Then I'd say, " I don't have time to play with an A-hole in my group." And I'd leave.

In your situation, the correct thing to do was to leave at the turn. "That's enough. We're by my car and I'm leaving. See you at work."

Golf is a hard game played for fun. Even when the golf is terrible, you are supposed to enjoy being with the players in your group. If neither apply, GTF off the course and go home.
[/quote]

Oh, I was going to leave at the turn. In fact, Brad at work today was telling me how he couldn't believe how long Joe took to put all of his condiments on his hot dog at the turn to get it just right. If Brad and Ben weren't playing I would have left. Should have faked an injury.

[nochct1]

[quote name='Augster' timestamp='1381782241' post='8000669']
I'd tell him to STFU while I'm over the ball. When he makes a loud noise again, or is just that obnoxious or oblivious, I tell him to STFU when I'm over the ball again.

If that didn't work, I'd ask "WTF is wrong with you? You've been asked at least twice to STFU and you still won't? Learning challenged?" Then I'd say, " I don't have time to play with an A-hole in my group." And I'd leave.

In your situation, the correct thing to do was to leave at the turn. "That's enough. We're by my car and I'm leaving. See you at work."

Golf is a hard game played for fun. Even when the golf is terrible, you are supposed to enjoy being with the players in your group. If neither apply, GTF off the course and go home.
[/quote]

If you're going out to play golf w some coworkers it's probably for fun. No need to take it seriously. Do you ever go out and just have fun?

Does someone walking in your line really screw up your putting THAT much?

[Pepperturbo]

[quote name='gambit' timestamp='1381782620' post='8000715']
[quote name='Augster' timestamp='1381782241' post='8000669']
I'd tell him to STFU while I'm over the ball. When he makes a loud noise again, or is just that obnoxious or oblivious, I tell him to STFU when I'm over the ball again.

If that didn't work, I'd ask "WTF is wrong with you? You've been asked at least twice to STFU and you still won't? Learning challenged?" Then I'd say, " I don't have time to play with an A-hole in my group." And I'd leave.

In your situation, the correct thing to do was to leave at the turn. "That's enough. We're by my car and I'm leaving. See you at work."

Golf is a hard game played for fun. Even when the golf is terrible, you are supposed to enjoy being with the players in your group. If neither apply, GTF off the course and go home.
[/quote]

Oh, I was going to leave at the turn. In fact, Brad at work today was telling me how he couldn't believe how long Joe took to put all of his condiments on his hot dog at the turn to get it just right. If Brad and Ben weren't playing I would have left. Should have faked an injury.
[/quote]

I hope he's not in management by way of nepotism.

[Augster]

Also, never keep other's scores if there aren't bets on the line. Don't even offer. Especially if a guy taking 10 and claiming 6 is liable to bother you.

[deck]

[quote name='gambit' timestamp='1381781362' post='8000597']
[quote name='deck' timestamp='1381779605' post='8000439']
So is joe The name you changed after I pointed it out? Lol.
[/quote]

?????????????

Edit: Nevermind. I got it...LOL.
[/quote]

lol. I will edit my post now. Shows you I read it all and paid attention.

[gambit]

[quote name='deck' timestamp='1381791260' post='8001401']
[quote name='gambit' timestamp='1381781362' post='8000597']
[quote name='deck' timestamp='1381779605' post='8000439']
So is joe The name you changed after I pointed it out? Lol.
[/quote]

?????????????

Edit: Nevermind. I got it...LOL.
[/quote]

lol. I will edit my post now. Shows you I read it all and paid attention.
[/quote]

I had to edit your 'quote' in my response LOL...I should have you read over my work papers!

[deck]

I normally don't catch those things. It's what my assistant is for. But I was into your post. Shows you have some writing skills man. I think you handled it the best you could have.

[gambit]

[quote name='deck' timestamp='1381792191' post='8001465']
I normally don't catch those things. It's what my assistant is for. But I was into your post. Shows you have some writing skills man. I think you handled it the best you could have.
[/quote]

Thanks for the compliment. Glad my misery was able to provide a decent read LOL.

[Hot Rod 71]

Congrats on keeping your composure, you handled it better than most would have.

For me, as soon as I found out he hadn't paid, I would have unloaded on him.

[502 to Right]

I think you handled it well. I'm not a really confrontational person but I don't tolerate fools easily. I probably would have said I wasn't feeling well at the turn and grabbed my bag and left. Seriously. I'd rather not play golf than play it while being miserable.


Edit - and by "miserable" I don't mean playing poorly. I can play poorly and still enjoy golf but when outside agencies ruin the experience I'd rather not play at all.

[rsj1360]

Out of curiosity, how old is "Joe"?

[GLF4EVR]

Congrats for how you handled the entire situation. I do not even drink & I bet I would have been cracking a beer at the turn. Nerve medicine would have been needed to finish that round.

[eagle1997]

[quote name='ejmac' timestamp='1381778707' post='8000369']
I am very easy going and there is no way in hell I would have put up with that nonsense, co-worker or not. He would have been told point blank that he has 1 of 2 options either pull your head out of your arse and be respectful including ball in pocket on stroke 10 or I am taking you to the club house so I can unload my gear and book another tee time. Sometimes fools like this continue this behavior because no one ever calls them out on it thinking oh he is a nice guy we will just let it slide. Sometimes I think this is the case in point as to why there are so many massengill bags who think they are the only one alive on earth today. Don't mean to rub salt in the wound but someone really needs to call this dude out in a compassionate but firm manner and if that point don't reside then a no words barred call out is in order. If he is a valued asset at work to you I personally would feel it an integrity issue if I was in continuous need of his resources at work and refused to deal with the underlying issues that reside with him.
[/quote]

+1 for your use of 'massengil bag.'